As someone who is chronically ill and has had all of her conditions worsened by COVID-19, can y’all stop pretending like you care about hantavirus? More people are worried about the idea of quarantine and lockdowns than they are about the virus itself and the fatality rate. Sure, I know there’s more nuance to that. Lockdown was traumatizing for people. It’s easier to focus on that aspect. Hantavirus isn’t spread as easily as COVID-19. But… it is spreading. And if 2020 and the following years have taught me anything, it’s this: People do not care.
They don’t care. No one cares.
People will know you are immunocompromised and look you dead in the face—or rather, cough in your face—and tell you they’re sick, but it’s fine, because they’ve had the rona ten times and look at them! Well, look at me. Last time I got infected, I was in bed with a heart rate of 140-150. I genuinely thought I had sepsis and was dying, but I was in such an isolated part of the UP that I had no way to get to a hospital that could help me with all of my complex conditions. I wrote a note on my lizard’s tank with instructions on who to call if I was found dead. I was peeing in empty Powerade bottles because I was too dizzy to walk to the bathroom. That was back in February. It flared my POTS and autoimmune conditions so badly that I don’t even leave my room. I’ve been back to doing cardiac rehab exercises, hoping for the best.
The time before that? I was coughing up blood for over a month.
Before the pandemic?
Sure, I’d have mild dizziness here and there. A seizure or two a year. Joint pain. Normal things with my lupus and epilepsy. After, I developed severe POTS and MCAS. I have frightening vascular episodes. I lost my ability to walk, or even stand for any length of time. I started having neuro flares, slurring my words, experiencing confusion, exhaustion… I have lost my ability to live, and each reinfection makes it worse. The irony is that because the people I’ve been around in Michigan are so much less COVID-conscious than people were in Utah, I have had COVID more times in one year than I did in five years in Utah.
People do not care.
People’s children will be sick. They will know. They will let said children climb all over you. You will express that you want to go buy masks, to do anything you can, even if it won’t work, to try not to get COVID because you, the immunocompromised person, can die. At worst. At best, you’ll go into a flare that can ruin your life for months to years.
But it doesn’t matter. Because you’re overreacting. Because it’s not a big deal. And what’s meant to be will happen either way, right?
If I sound bitter, I am.
While all of this is triggering lockdown PTSD for you, it’s triggering a harsh reality for me: If this does start spreading like COVID, it is a death sentence for me. I already hear my roommates coughing in the morning, and I never know if it’s their allergies, weed, or illness. And I know there won’t be communication—despite me explicitly asking for it—if they’re sick. I don’t think my body could handle another COVID infection. Vaccines only help so much. Until I can live on my own, it’s getting to the point where I’m going to have to start masking inside again, because…
People do not care.
And if the truth is different for you, I am glad you have people in your life who prioritize your safety. It’s rare. Because even the people who love you the most would rather let you get infected and risk you dying than take any responsibility or action to help you avoid contracting something that could disable or kill you. And you have to smile and pretend to be happy while they do it.
Because that’s what friends are for.
It’s funny. I started writing this because I saw people saying no one can quarantine for 45 days in this economy. It’s true. I was viewing this through the lens of someone who is immunocompromised and someone who has been homeless. Someone who is struggling. I agree our government should have relief in place for those who need to quarantine, so they aren’t faced with the risk of homelessness and food insecurity… but my life matters too. The lives of those around you matter. I mean, I know y’all hate disabled people, but hantavirus has a far higher fatality rate, even among healthy people, than COVID did… I was going to write about that. About the value of life. But then I realized no one valued mine when it came to COVID. Because as I said:
People do not care.
Serendipity Minds 