Category: Poems & Literature

Poems & Literature

Stolen – A poem about my autoimmune diseases

Sara Elizabeth

I have been stolen

Robbed of my dignity, I no longer flinch

When the doctors examine every inch of me

I have been stolen

Not quite the “sick girl” I used to be

It’s getting worse but it’s been so long, no one wants to see

Unless of course, I am their inspiration for the day

I have been stolen

But they applaud me because I keep going

Strong and brave, these are not compliments

I have quite literally no choice

I have been stolen

Of my right to grieve the loss of my health

The loss of my dignity

The loss of my identity

“You make your illness your identity”

But when I smile and pretend that my body is not on fire

Or that it’s no big deal when my skin turns purple

And I forget my own name

I am praised for the person “I am”

Strong and brave

I have been stolen

Robbed of my dignity, I no longer flinch

When people roll their eyes in disbelief

I have been stolen 

My right to exist without my existence 

Being an object for critique

“She shouldn’t let it get to her.” over and over until I learn how to change the narrative to

“She is so strong. I don’t know how she does it.”

As if there is glory in suffering

As if diminishing or praising it will protect you

I have been stolen

By diseases that do not discriminate

I have been stolen

And though I wish this upon no one

I wish for just a moment

You too could be stolen

Poems & Literature

Poem: #mentalhealth

Sara Elizabeth

And if God wants to help me, He can

But I’ve spent far too long waiting on a man

When I give up

Please don’t bother acting surprised

Such a shame

#mentalhealth

Where are the signs?

I was a plant in your window

That you didn’t much like

I was resilient though, blooming even when you forgot to water me

Until I realized it wasn’t because you forgot

I tried to grow, I really did

But after years of neglect

I started to whither

So when I give up

Don’t you dare act surprised

You watched me fade

Little by little

Each and every day

There were so many signs!

I stopped begging for you to water me

Text message left on read 4 months now

Snapchats unopened

But you can like my comment to boost the algorithm

I take my clothes off for money instead the cutting

People pay to see my body

Even though you

Said I was ugly

I don’t feel right praying to God anymore

Because how could he 

You.

Abandon me when I needed him

You

The most

We talk all about the last words of those who leave

It’s the last words of people who walked away

That haunt me

Sunay. November 22nd. 6:37 AM. 

Haha that’s amazing and some serious dedication!

Mental Health, Personal Stories, Poems & Literature

Writing My Mother’s Story

Sara Elizabeth

In 12 days it will be two years since my mom passed away. It feels so much longer than that. In those two years, I have experienced an entire lifetime of heartbreak, trauma, change (both good and bad) – I am an entirely different person. So much so that I don’t quite know how to fit in with my friends and the city in which I live. The only constant since her passing has been the grief. I miss her my mom so much. 

My mom had a difficult life and the older I get the more I realize how unfair the hand she had been dealt was. She always said she wanted to write a story about her life – and even suggested we write it together. We never got that chance. And so I am compiling all of the stories she has told me together to create her story – because her story deserves to be told. 

It’s not easy, though. In ways it helps me feel closer to her but it also solidifies the fact that she is gone. I’ve started the process of connection with family and friends who might be able to help fill in parts I forgot or parts she never told me. I imagine this will be the most exhaustive and the most rewarding writing project I have tackled.

While it’s just in the beginning stages, I will be sharing snippets with my subscribers on Patreon. (I already posted the Prologue!) It’s only a $1 for the basic package and you get access to a lot of sneak peeks and Early Access content!

Feel free to check it out here: https://www.patreon.com/saraelizabeth
Poems & Literature

Poem: How Far I’ve Come (The Black Hole)

Sara Elizabeth

“Just look how far you’ve come,” they say

After a few months – maybe even a year – of knowing me

I smile, and for a moment I think they’re right

Until I remember the last person who said that

… and how I still didn’t come quite far enough

For them to stick around

The words have become a warning sign

Lights – bright red and flashing – stop!

You realized how far behind I was

And you’re waving at me to catch up to you

“You’re almost there,” you shout across that space between us

You don’t realize

It’s a galaxy

A whole galaxy lies between me and you

By the time I reach you, my dear sunshine

You will have burnt out and the black hole

Of your absence will swallow my soul

In a darkness I cannot even begin to fathom

Mental Health, Poems & Literature

Poem: This is What Depression Looks Like

Sara Elizabeth

This is what depression looks like –

It’s not the glamorous – someone’s gonna save you

And take that razor out of your hands and hold you

Until you feel loved again – scene in those dramatic TV shows

It’s the I’m-not-going-to-tell-anyone secret gnawing

At your soul, because YOU know what happened

The last time

You reached out.

It’s sending a hey what’s up? text in the bathroom

While your shaking hands hold a razor

That you wish some lover, some close friend

Would rip away from you … but instead you wait

One minute. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Your heart is pounding, because you need someone to talk to

But you can’t say a word.

45 minutes now. Maybe your phone isn’t working …

Surely someone could have said something by now

You almost feel desperate enough to text someone

The truth.

But you did that last time – and it hurt so much more

Than sitting on the bathroom floor for an hour

Dragging the razor across your skin.

Their cold indifference … too real.

It’s too real.

If you don’t reach out

It’s easier to pretend they’d care if they knew.

 

Knew that your soul was breaking, writhing in pain

That you cannot explain because you don’t even understand it yourself

All you know is that every breath and every moment is heavy

It’s too much.

2 hours now. You’ve washed away the blood and you look at yourself

In the mirror. “It will be okay,” you whisper. Wipe your own tears away

Because there ain’t no happy ending here, there isn’t any savior stepping in

This is all you, and if nobody else is going to love you the way you deserve …

You have to. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you pray that

You will have the strength to love you. God knows no one else does.

 

This is what depression looks like –

Laughing so loud until it hurts. Making jokes so good

You could start up your own comedy show on YouTube.

You’re funny and entertaining – they all say, admiring how

Despite all your many challenges, you have a smile on your face.

It’s keeping that smile on your face even when you’re alone

Listening to music so loud and thinking about your bright future

Until you fall asleep and you see his face

And you wake up crying. Empty.

 

But you shake it off and smile anyway because you can’t

Let yourself start crying

Because if you do … you know you’ll never stop

So you drown it out with anything you can – laughter, jokes, alcohol, shopping, food – ANYTHING to stop your thoughts

From the darkness that tears away at you

From the reality that no one is ever close to you.

You’re only close to them.

When you build walls, it’s not because you don’t want to let anyone in

It’s because you can’t let yourself out

You can’t afford to love the people who never love you back.

 

This is what depression looks like –

And as much as everyone preaches about the warning signs

No one wants to see it.

So you shut your mouth, like a good girl.

You know the happy kind that doesn’t have walls

Or a darkness infecting her soul.