Poetry, Unsent Letters

Poem: I Am that I Am

Finding the balance between selfless and self-sacrifice

Your lips on hers and the cold wind caressing mine

The space between your growth; spiritual awakening

And my seemingly endless sleepless nights

It’s the distance of space and time and we always come back – isn’t that right?

I try to remember, the oceans and a dream of lavender and the trailer my dad died in

A lake in between to cross to his new home, so different

A space in between, the balance of you and me 

It’s not that far and it’s always been right there, on the tip of my tongue

In each moment of despair

The way I knew she was gone before the doctor’s declared – her heart was still beating but her soul was no longer there

So close to crossing that ocean but not to die – I hope not to die

Just to understand and to finally feel like I am alive, no longer haunted upstairs

When I cry for you, for him, for God – no longer screaming at my mother to remind her she is gone

Finding the balance between you and me

The cards say yes, give it a year, and let him dream 

Of the space between my growth; spiritual awakening

Until this witching hour ends and a new night begins

It’s how it always happens when the veil is thin, we return to each other time and time again

Am I waking up to the memories of now, before, after – a dream of hope, a dream to come

The atmosphere is between us but if I leave, can I still breathe?

A space between, the balance of you and me

I have to believe because the moment I stop, wait what was I saying? It’s on the tip of my tongue

In this moment of despair

I know this is chosen and if I could just remember then maybe I wouldn’t be here – I’d be back home, a place my soul can no longer go

So close to crossing these ocean galaxies, but not to die – Dear god please don’t let this mean I am going to die

Just to understand to reach out and finally touch your hand – no longer haunted upstairs

When I run to you now, you will always be there – not hidden or just out of reach because I belong

In the space between selfless and self-sacrifice

I choose me. I choose you. And I do this every single time

I come back into the fold for a moment, stepping behind the veil

Of you

Of me

It’s always been you

It’s always been me

My sun, my moon, my stars

I am your galaxy

I am that I am

And I will always continue to be

For you

For me

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