An Open Letter to the ER Doctor

To the doctor who saw me at the ER last night, My breasts are not inherently sexual.

Examining the staph infection that has taken over 1/4 of my breasts – not to mention to all of sores the sores that keep getting worse and are not responding to antibiotics over – is not sexual.

But your religion taught you that my body as a female is sexual and dirty and wrong.

Because of this, you a freaking medical doctor working in an emergency room, refused to examine it my staph infection. Instead you asked me if I had a picture. Thankfully I did actually have a picture.I had taken one that I sent over to my friend and sister to show how bad it’s been getting. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t overreacting, since every single health issue I have has been diminished and neglected by the majority of the doctors I’ve seen. I didn’t want to waste my time going – but everyone said I should.

I’m used to going to do doctors while having seizures, numbness, drooping face, and a plethora of other symptoms. And I’m used to them brushing it off or telling me which specialist to go to next. I’m not used to being sexualized. By. A. Doctor.

You looked at the picture left the room without a word. I waited and waited, feeling ashamed and stupid for even bothering to come in. I would’ve gone to urgent care instead, but they don’t accept my insurance. I would’ve waited for the doctor, but it was the weekend and this was just getting worse. I almost got up and left.

While I dealt with my own crisis, debating whether to just give up and leave, I can only assume you were having a moral crisis given the size of the infection whether you should look at my breast or not. I’m sure you saw the results of my biopsy from my last visit that this is indeed a staph infection and it’s not responding to treatment.

Finally, you came back and examined it. After squeezing when there is clearly no puss and pushing and pinching it in every which way, while I writhed in pain, you said

“It’s not that bad.”

I am aware that is not as bad as an infection can be. But the fact that its spreading, I was running a low-grade fever, and everything else going on with my body – I am trying to get someone to listen before it does get “that bad”.

I am positive if you had this size of a wound on your penis or testicles, you would be bed ridden, demanding treatment immediately. There have been so many studies done on how doctors (even female doctors) do not take female patients seriously. A man can go in with the same demeanor, presenting the same symptoms, and he will get tests, treatment, and referrals more often than women who have the same symptoms or diagnosis.

Maybe if this infection was on my arm, the doctor would have felt the need to treat it.

Maybe if my psych stays weren’t in my medical record.

Maybe if I fit the Mormon image and didn’t have tattoos and piercings and colored hair.

Maybe if I wasn’t obese – because fat people choose to be fat and they choose to be sick because all of their problems are related to their weight, right?

Maybe if I fit whatever your ideal is of a sick patient who deserves treatment… maybe this infection would already be gone.

PS. To you and all the other doctors who are quick to tell me I don’t have cancer and don’t need a mammogram because its all surface lesions, please kindly go back to medical school and study inflammatory breast cancer, skin cancer, and cancer in hormonal glands. While I am mostly positive that this is simply a Lupus/Scleroderma/MS flare and it’s causing all of my body’s issues – whatever the cause, I deserve proper treatment.

Thanks…. but not really,

S.