13 Reasons Why: My Love/(Mostly)Hate Relationship

CONTENT WARNING: This blog post will be dealing with the topics featured in 13 Reasons Why, including rape and suicide.

I have done my best to make this post entirely spoiler free. External links will contain spoilers. 

Before the TV show even came out – the moment I heard about its production, I was filled with mixed thoughts. I read the book years ago. I hated. I liked certain aspects, but mostly I just really freaking hated it. I literally threw the book while reading it because the content made me so angry.

As someone who has struggled for quite some time with suicidal ideation, I was intrigued when I saw the book. Often times, I’ve used books as coping mechanisms. They are not only my outlet to escape reality, but in some cases they are a way to understand myself. This book greatly let me down, because it seemed to imply that what Hannah did was “okay”. I’ve had people ask why I thought the book would contain any message of hope or guidance, when the blurb so clearly states that it’s about a girl blaming others for her suicide. A book’s plot doesn’t necessarily define its content. For example, The Pact by Jodi Picoult deals with a suicide pact. It by no means implies that suicide is an acceptable option.

Yet, I still watched the entire season. I was hoping that the aspects of the book that I did like (particularly certain characters I was interested to know more about) would be fleshed out and that they would change things to make it have the message that I had hoped the book did.

Reasons Why I Loved It –

• There is a great cast in this film. If nothing else, even if you hate all of the content, the cast was perfect. Even the scenes I absolutely detested and wished they didn’t air were all done so realistically. At least from a film/artistic perspective, I can appreciate that. Tony is by far my favorite character. I really wouldn’t mind a show about him (non-suicide related, of course).
• People are talking about it. It’s opening up the discussion for mental health, and that’s a wonderful thing. Parents are talking to their kids, teachers discussing it in classrooms, and friends who struggle with these issues and may find the show triggering are watching it with relatives and close friends (which by the way, if you are triggered by these things and still choose to watch 13 Reasons Why, this is a really great idea!). Of course, it’s also painting a terrible picture of those who may be suicidal or have attempted suicide.
• Without any spoilers for those who have not watched the TV show in its entirety and still plan to – they did flesh out a lot of Hannah’s “reasons” and made at least some of them a bit more, for lack of a better word, severe. If you’ve already watched the show or don’t mind spoilers, here is a great list by Vulture of the differences between the book and TV series.
• They showed how Hannah’s choice affected others. I feel like this is an important message to those of us who do struggle with suicidal ideation, depression, etc. Despite how alone we may feel, there are people that care. As I was watching the show there were times I wanted to yell at Hannah – “Just look! Can’t you see they care about you? Can’t you see there’s hope!” —  but then again, I know just how difficult it is to see that.
• While I by no means support the idea of blaming others for one’s suicide, I do think it’s important that one can see that actions do have an impact on others. (A better film for this is Cyberbully, which is currently also on Netflix). I don’t believe Hannah should blame others for her mental health, but she is human. We are not perfect. Especially if she is struggling with a mental health condition, these actions may affect her differently than someone more stable. I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, which means I am super reactive to the smallest things. I think its important for media to show that people with mental health conditions react differently. We feel differently.

Reasons Why I Hate It

• If it’s not obvious by yet, I HATE the idea of blaming others. I hate how she hurts Clay, and everyone else who listened to the tapes. Of course, as an avid reader, I understand that I can totally hate one character and still love everything else. But this is a very sensitive, very real topic. (In case you’re wondering, here’s some statistics.)
• Just like the book, there is still a glorifying tone to the TV show. Suicide should NEVER be glorified. I get it – for those who aren’t suicidal or aren’t triggered by such things (or even angered in the cases of those who don’t understand it at all), there can appear to be tragic type of beauty to it. That’s not true. It’s dark and painful. Empty and lonely. There is no beauty in it.
• The rape scenes. So as not to spoil anything too much, these scenes were far too graphic. Given the subject matter and the type of audience likely to view the show, it’s too much. I understand wanting to depict the reality of rape, but they crossed a line. I appreciate trying to bring the reality of such a painful moment to life so as to perhaps make a point in a society where rape culture is such a huge, unfortunate aspect … but this was simply not the way.
• The suicide scene was basically a how-to-guide. There is a “right” way to do the method Hannah chose in the film. While this can be figured out by a simple Google search, it’s literally giving a potentially triggered viewer a detailed guide of how to end their life successfully. I can appreciate the loneliness they depicted in that moment, and I think the actress portrayed it well … but like with the rape scene, it was too much. It crossed a line.

This TV show had such an opportunity to tackle this topic in a way that would be more graceful than the book. They could have still showed Hannah blaming others  – but then they could have handled it in a way that would have educated viewers on mental health and how it can affect one’s thought process, and how one can seek help to change that. They could have showed that while Hannah may have felt others were at fault, and she may have been feeling very much like a victim – that she still could have taken control of her life. There was still hope. Just as importantly, they could have showed that those people didn’t need to blame themselves. Their terrible actions didn’t kill Hannah. She did. (I’m not talking about the featurette, which did nothing to fix the implications of the TV show). They could have shot the rape and suicide scenes differently. The entire show could have had a very different tone. It’s as if the very message the creator’s claim to have been trying to send out – one of awareness, understanding, and so forth – is quite the opposite of the message they sent.

For those who are thinking of watching the show and may be triggered by its contents, I highly urge you not to. If you still seek to watch the television show, please watch it with a trusted friend or family member. Pause it. Discuss it. And if it is triggering, stop it.

As always, remember there is hope. There are resources, even if its really scary (trust me, I know) to reach out. Below are two really great hotlines:

http://www.crisistextline.org/ (Crisis Text Line)

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org (Suicide Prevention Hotline)